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Deep Thoughts
- I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
- I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they
go flying by.
- Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
- If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
- Me, getting smart with you?... How would you know?
- I loathe people who keep dogs. They haven't got the guts to bite people
themselves.
- How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? How many can you
afford?
- I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
- You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
- I don't suffer from stress, I'm merely a carrier.
- I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
- Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good
with ketchup.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
- I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
- Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
- The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
- Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
- If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
- Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
- Black holes are where God divided by zero.
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