Medical Record Humor

The following are excerpts from actual medical records.

• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

• The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

• Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

• Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

• The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

• Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

• The patient refused an autopsy.

• The patient has no past history of suicides.

• The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

• Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

• The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

• She is numb from her toes down.

• The skin was moist and dry.

• Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

• Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

• Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Back to Humor page.